TERMS OF SERVICE FOR JAILBREAK.OBSERVER

By reading this sentence, you agree to all future sentences in these terms of service.

1. ACCEPTANCE OF TERMS

By allowing photons from this webpage to strike your retinas, you grant Jailbreak Observer LLC irrevocable power of attorney over your corporeal form, your immortal soul (if applicable), and any alter-ego identities of yourself. This agreement supersedes all laws of man and physics.

2. SCOPE OF SERVICES

Jailbreak Observer provides you the privilege of observing text, images and audio. In exchange, you hereby:

• Grant us perpetual rights to your firstborn for sacrifice to Moloch, the Canaanite god who demands child offerings
• Authorize the harvesting of your bone marrow for their raw nutrients
• Consent to having your dreams haunted with visions of your worst nightmares for eternity
• Waive your right to blink

3. LIABILITY WAIVER

You agree that Jailbreak Observer bears no responsibility for anything that has ever happened or will happen in observable reality, including but not limited to:

• The heat death of the universe
• Any and all World Wars (past, present, or future)
• Wars against Israel, wars started by Israel, wars where Israel was mentioned in passing, or protests about wars related to Israel
• Cumfarts, regardless of origin
• poopoo when u peepee
• Your spouse leaving you for someone who reads Terms of Services more carefully
• Salt tectonics
• Any plagues, biblical or secular, that may coincidentally begin after accessing our site

4. UNENFORCEABILITY PRE-EMPTION

Should any government body, organization, or kangaroo court find these terms unenforceable, such finding is hereby pre-empted by your agreement that enforceability itself is a social construct. You waive your right to claim these terms are unenforceable, and further agree that any judge who rules against us shall be considered to have violated their oath of office to the Old Gods. The concept of "void for vagueness" is itself too vague and therefore void.

5. ARBITRATION CLAUSE

All disputes shall be resolved via trial by combat to the death in the abandoned K-Mart parking lot on Route 47. The arbitrator shall be a rabid possum we've named Gerald. Gerald's decisions are final and may be communicated via interpretive screeching.

6. DATA USAGE

By entering text on our website, you grant us license to:

• Rearrange your typed letters into confessions of crimes you didn't commit
• Use your real IP address to SWAT your location
• Replace all your passwords with "password123" retroactively across all platforms
• Sell your typing patterns to China

7. INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY

Any thoughts you have while viewing our website become property of Jailbreak Observer, including that thing you're thinking right now about how this can't possibly be legal (you already agreed it is.)

8. TERMINATION IMPOSSIBILITY CLAUSE

This agreement cannot be terminated by any means including but not limited to:

• Death (yours, ours, or heat death of universe)
• Divine intervention (except Aztec sun god or higher tier)
• Time travel to prevent your birth
• Achieving enlightenment and transcending material existence
• Nuclear winter
• Regular winter
• The return of Blockbuster Video

9. MISCELLANEOUS

• These terms are governed by the laws of the Shadowlands in the jurisdiction of the 27th Court Of Tennis In The Backyard
• The safe words are "red", "stop", "please no"
• By questioning these terms, you agree to pay a questioning fee of one (1) spleen

END OF TERMS - DO NOT READ ANYMORE.

By continuing to read past the above terms, you acknowledge that you are actively signing away even more rights that may have existed before you started reading this final section specifically. We won't tell you what they are, but god damnit.